Falling Off the Page

I've been waiting, dreading, suspecting that any post now, Mom's final post would be pushed off the home page of her blog.  With last week's post, it happened. 

Now, when you come to the site, none of Mom's post will be on the first page that loads.  She posted hundreds of pieces on the site and they're all still there, they're just not on top anymore. 

They're not on top anymore because she's not on top anymore.

With every day, I become more aware of my loss and how much I miss her.  And, it's things like this that make Mom's death seem like she's slowly extracting herself from my life, from this world. 

It's not like she left all at once, you know what I mean?  It's like most of her left when she died, but a lot of her lingered. 

Her pink fluffy robe no longer smells like her.

I got her hats down at the studio yesterday and put on the big floppy purple and magenta one while I shoved my face into the whole box, sniffing for her scent. 

Nothing.

With the rolling forward of posts on BasicallyBetty.com, I've helped her leave. 

The day will come when she's all gone and although I can't do anything about it, I wish it weren't the case, I wish she were still here and I wish her posts were still up front. 

This isn't quite denial but it's denial's best friend.

Love and Prayers From Here to There.